Foursome Blue

I hear the train a comin’

It’s rolling round the bend

And I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when

I’m stuck in Folsom prison, and time keeps draggin’ on

But that train keeps a rollin’ on down to San Antone

…

Well if they freed me from this prison

If that railroad train was mine

I bet I’d move it on a little farther down the line

Far from Folsom prison, that’s where I want to stay

And I’d let that lonesome whistle blow my blues away

Johnny Cash. Folsome Blues

I had a foursome! For the first time in my life! And, guess what –  I loved it! One woman and two guys –  same age, same interests, same values in life. Loved the nervous anticipation, the fun we had during our time together, and the high that stayed with me after we were done. This is to Ash, Eddie, and Dani, my Foursome Blue.

It started back in July while I was waiting for my visa to go to Sydney. Following the Sydney news, I saw an article on Foura – a matchmaking service to help people find mates. Not dates! The concept sounded interesting to me – you fill in your details, answer some questions about your interests and values, and Foura sets you up with three strangers for a night out at a bar – or weekend brunch. No swiping, no endless texting back and forth – you sign up, get matched and meet up.

Once I had arrived in Sydney, I contacted the founder of Foura – Tam – and signed up.

First came the easy questions: name, age, and gender. Are you comfortable with a mixed group? Yes.

Then it got interesting… What do you enjoy doing around Sydney? 

What did I enjoy doing here in Sydney? Sitting on my bench. Watching the sunrise. Drinking coffee. Reading the paper. Reading anything. Running. Writing. I noticed that my interests weren’t very social lately. From a list of fifteen activities, I finally chose: eating, drinking, and wandering around. Option #15 None of the above, made me wonder how you would get matched choosing that. Was there a Foursome for all the “none of the aboves”? Maybe I’ll give it a try one day.

Next came, Which activities do you enjoy in your spare time?

Bench. Book. Beach. Again. Not an option, though. So I picked “Investing in personal development or learning a new skill.” It sounded much more sophisticated than “Binge-watching Netflix” and “Eating chips”. Though I really enjoy those, too!

Activity level – I run. Then followed a few pics you had to choose from – this was beginning to feel a bit like a psych assessment, but I was curious to see where “hiking in the bush” would put me. Wild? Adventurous? Lost?

Next came creative outlets? (writer – duh), other hobbies? what’s your tipple? (had to look that one up:  tipple (noun informal) alcoholic drink. Also, a verb: to drink AND to rain heavily, which seemed appropriate given our current state of nina-all-day rain in Sydney. 

Finally, the all-deciding question in the assessment: What three things are you most passionate about? After all this, I was back to reading, running, and writing. 

Common life experiences – check as many as you want.  Mmmm…. Parent. Have lived outside of Australia. Travelled around the world. Alone.

It was the “alone” part that got me interested in this matchmaking in the first place. Though I would consider myself an outgoing and social person, making friends as an adult isn’t easy. People at work have their families and friends, people in the neighbourhood have their own bubbles, and dating apps are exactly what they say they are – a dating app. Not a mating app, and that’s what I was looking for. Mates. Not dates.

Back to my questionnaire. The questions were getting more complex as I progressed. Which of these values are important to you? 

And this time I was only allowed to choose four!!! I have to admit, I was tempted to put down different values just for the fun of it: Looking attractive. Living a settled and stable life. Making lots of money. 

But for now, I decided to stick to the truth: Intelligence (don’t laugh,, lol!). Having a laugh (ok, go ahead!). Trying new experiences. Growing as a person. 

Ultimately, it was the last value that got me matched with my pod of people. 

What was I hoping to get out of Foura?

I guess I was hoping to meet new people, get out, and try something different. I am generally very curious and interested in meeting new people. And, yes, I admit it. I was tired of being alone, though it was by choice. 

The German author Daniel Schreiber wrote a whole book about being alone, and a lot of his thoughts and ideas resonated with me:

“Sometimes being alone hurts, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you have to break new ground and come to terms with it, or at least be open to the possibility of new paths. Sometimes you have to dare to venture out onto the lake and into the mountains, face the winter sun and hold on to all those friendly people who accompany you part of the way. To remember that there are different ways to be alone. Different kinds of loneliness.” 

And so I ventured and clicked submit.

During my first month here in Sydney, I got matched with three other like-minded strangers a few times, but every time I turned down the invitation. I was either sick, tired, or both. Or maybe I just wasn’t ready yet to meet a bunch of new people. 

Until I finally did it and accepted an invitation to Sunday Brunch with three people I had never met, that I knew nothing about, other than that we were of similar age and all interested in philosophical questions and trying new things.

The brunch was to be held at a café in Surry Hills. New to Sydney, I had to google it and discovered that it was over an hour and a half by public transport. But I had committed to it, so I was going to make the trip. Public transport is a bit unreliable here in Sydney, and I arrived way too early. Or maybe I just left home too early, restless and anxious to get there.

Each pod of four was given a colour to find the right table. Our colour was blue and next to me was a table with a white sign. Being the first one to arrive, I wondered what would happen if the other group was way more fun. Would anyone notice if I just switched tables?

But as soon as people started coming, these thoughts were quickly pushed aside. While the white group was a foursome of serious-looking women in their thirties (good thing I didn’t just put myself at that table), my group was a fun mix of different people. Ash from Ireland, Eddie from England, Dani from Australia and myself from… well, wherever it is I am from. Canada, Germany …. Home is where the heart is, they say, and currently, my heart was at brunch with a bunch of lovely strangers. 

What we had in common was wanting to try new things, so Dani talked about becoming a chef, Eddie showed us his beautiful art and Ash was just happy to be there. We talked, laughed, ate, and shared for over three hours (and stayed much longer than the boring white group!)

In the end, we exchanged numbers, and even created a Foursome Blue WhatsApp Group, and went our way. Ash went back to Bondi, Eddie and Dani back to East Sydney, and I started the track back to the Northern Beaches.

I don’t think the Foursome Blue will ever meet again. The WhatsApp group has been very quiet, and an attempt to get together was unsuccessful. Maybe we will get together again, maybe not. But that doesn’t really matter. What mattered was that we put ourselves out there and had a great time while it lasted. For a little while, we all held our faces in the winter sun and enjoyed each other’s company … until it started raining again. 

This is to you, my Foursome Blue. 

Cheers!