Around the World in 18 Days (Or, Good Mothers Don’t)

It’s a wonderful world if you only take the time to go around it.

Jules Verne. Around the world in 80 days

A couple of decades later, and it was my turn to travel around the world. Not a Phileas Fogg, I didn’t make it to 16 countries – not even close!

Leaving sunny Australia the week before Christmas, my first stop was in Toronto, Canada. Trading beach and sunshine for snow and ice, seeing my family and friends warming my heart. Eating lobster rolls overlooking the frozen shores of Lake Ontario. A lovely Christmas dinner table with enough torturing tools beside each plate, Hannibal Lecter would have been impressed. Red-and-black checkered flannel shirts, warm woollen socks, endless scrabble games, and family gathered around the kitchen table. A generational winter storm that paralyzed the continent with blizzards, high winds, snowfall, and freezing temperatures. And so we were locked in our cozy house for Christmas, enjoying each other’s company. Fondue dinner, burning candles on the Christmas tree, piles of presents, and lots of inappropriate jokes. It was good to be home.

A week after I arrived in snowy Canada, it was time to pack our brand-new carry-on bags and continue my journey around the world. Next stop: Germany, where my family was waiting for us. The boys hadn’t seen their grandfather in almost five years, and it was the perfect time to get everybody together and visit. Except that not everybody was able to come along.

Standing at the check-in counter at Toronto Pearson Airport (and yes, that place is a mess these days!), we had to learn that our youngest son would not be able to travel as his passport was not valid for another three months. Aware of his travel documents expiring after his return from our trip, I was unaware that it had to be good for another three months. Why do they call it an expiry date when you can’t use it any more months before then? It’s like throwing out that yogourt weeks before it’s done. But I had no one else to blame but myself. Should have, could have, would have… Another item added to my guilt list as a mother. Walking to the departure gate, leaving my youngest behind, broke my heart. Even if the rest of my boys still surrounded me. 

“Why, you are a man of heart!”

“Sometimes,” replied Phileas Fogg quietly. “When I have the time.“

Jules Verne. Around the world in 80 days

We crossed the next ocean and landed in the land of Pretzel and Orange Fanta. Of french fries with mayo and Schnitzel … lots of Schnitzels. Thanks to the adventurous spirit of my oldest son (I wonder where he gets it from), we had a jam-packed schedule for our time in Germany: day trips to the medieval town of Monschau and castle Schloss Drachenfels, basketball games and hockey matches—shopping in Cologne and 3D glow-in-the-dark mini-golf. Even a road trip to Amsterdam where we all learned so much (another not-so-proud-parenting-moment, I guess).

And, of course, plenty of time to spend with the family and enjoy each other’s company.

My kids have been to Germany many times. The difference was that we were travelling as a group of adults this time. During our last breakfast together, I asked them what they thought about this place now that they were older.

“It smells less!” the first one answered. He was referring to fewer people around us that smoked.

“It seems less European (as in foreign). More like home.” another one added.

And then it was time to go home. Time to say goodbye to my family in Germany. To Opa. To Schnitzel and french fries with mayo. To travel as a family. One last trip on the infamous autobahn, where speed limits are far and apart. One last hug at the security check. And then my boys disappeared through the gates to catch their flight back to Toronto. And I continued my journey around the world – the train to Hamburg. The subway to the airport. A plane to Dubai. And another plane to Sydney. An Uber home, and there I was – back where I had started. Sunny Sydney. Except that it wasn’t so sunny – rather windy and wet instead. A little bit of Canadian winds and German rain to remind me of home.

Once around the world in 18 days. Not as many means of transportation as my hero Fogg had used (the hot air balloon would have been cool, though). Not as many countries visited. And definitely no money made (quite the opposite, in fact). But in my books, I had won – just like Phileas Fogg had. Not in dollar bills, but in memories that would last me a long time.

On our road trip to Amsterdam, somewhere between the German and the Dutch border, a song was playing, and it made me think. Not because every second word was a swear word, but because the words the artist was singing seemed to sum up my trip with my children:

And if you want, I can tell the truth

That this life takes a toll on you

I spend nights stitching up the loose threads of my soul

In the morning, I’m bulletproof

In the morning, I’m bulletproof, so

Keep your time, keep your mind, keep humble

Start your life in the middle of the jungle

You

Young Blood

Rub your eyes, be surprised, keep hungry

Stay alive, try to lose all of your money

You

Young Blood

Noah Kahan. Young Blood

I sometimes get asked what kind of mother leaves her children behind to work and live in another country.

It’s a tough question, but I don’t mind it because the people that are asking are interested to hear what I have to say – whether they agree with it or not.

I have spent a lot of time trying to come up with an answer, and it still doesn’t come out quite right. But to make it short: What kind of mom? A better mom.

I don’t know if I am a good mother – I think we are all just trying our best as parents. We do what we feel is best for our children. But that might not always be what’s best for us. Or even close.

Not getting on that flight back to Toronto with my children was hard. And sad. Turning around and walking the other way took a lot of courage and strength. It made me sick to my stomach.

But I kept walking because I knew that I was happier where I was going, making me a better version of myself. Making me a better mom. I may not always be around my children or even close by. But I try to be there for them and help them from a distance as much as I can. And when we are together, I cherish our time together. I love that we made so many great memories on my tour around the world. And I hope they all did too.

“But what then? What had she really gained by all this trouble? What had she brought back from this long and weary journey? Nothing, say you? Perhaps so; nothing but wonderful memories, which, strange as it may appear, made her the happiest of women! Truly, would you not for less than that make the tour around the world?”

Jules Verne. Around the World in 80 days (edited for my own purposes)